Falling in Love
It's less about being "sexy" and more about aging like fine wine.
I’ve had a chance to reflect on some of the most important things that have moved the needle forward for me physically over the past two years.
Unfortunately, the answers aren’t all that sexy.
And that’s the point.
Two years is both a long time and a short time depending on how you look at it. And the headline of this newsletter might have thrown you off a bit.
Don’t worry, I promise it’s about fitness.
When you fall in love with someone (or something, I guess), it usually doesn’t happen overnight.
It’s a culmination of many events, admirable moments, and milestones that get you to say, “I really like this thing.”
And then, after years of really liking and eventually loving that thing, you start to say, “I can love this thing forever, no matter how it evolves.”
If you have a life partner, you can relate. Hopefully, you still look at them today with the same googly eyes you did the first time you met and hung out with them.
They were “sexy” when you first met them, and hopefully they’re still sexy today. They’re long-term sexy.
Much of today’s neural hijacking — social media dopamine scrolls, sub-two-minute songs, Substack articles that are under 60-second reads — conditions us to think that anything that takes a while isn’t sexy.
It’s boring, repetitive, and maybe even not worth pursuing because of those things.
Well, falling in love can be sexy if you learn to romanticize the process and think of it as long-term sexy.
The same way you can’t meet your soulmate after one dating-app date and propose within a week, you can’t just speed-run enjoyment of something that is going to be rewarding.
Falling in love with some thing — much like falling in love with a person — requires a tolerance of the longer timelines, the ups, the downs, and the inevitable questioning of, “Am I doing this right? Is this the right thing to do?”
You have to fall in love with unpredictability, too.
Consistency
The number one lever for building this muscle of tolerance for all of the above is consistency.
It’s oft repeated in the fitness realm, but I hope I reeled you in with the analogy of love.
I, just this morning on my 11-mile run around Roosevelt Island, found out how much I love what the past few years of drudging through workouts, that I forced myself to do, has turned me into.
I love the fact that there were days over the past few years that were hard.
I love the fact that two years ago, the run I did this morning would have felt like an insurmountable task. Now, 11 miles at an 8-minute pace is an “easy run.”*
*Note: My “easy run” is not your “easy run.'“ Running, while very much improved with consistency, has a non-linear progression that is tough to follow. Still, you should love it all the same.
I love that I have started to develop a passion for running, regardless of my effort level, and that it has led me to travel the country for different races and the opportunity to challenge and improve myself.
Two years ago, I would have never ascribed such a romantic quality to the hours and hours of training I’ve put in.
I probably would’ve thought what my wife sometimes thinks: “You’re crazy.”
Going out for runs where the goal is to hold a 6:30 pace for the entirety of it is now something that feels attainable.
There is beauty in that just as there is beauty in your partner aging gracefully into their late years.
The workout itself might not always be sexy. Hell, most days, it definitely is not, despite all the Strava kudos or Instagram likes you’ll get from posting it.
But what is sexy is seeing how the workout translates to your race.
To the physique and resilient musculature you’re building.
To the progress photo you took.
To the waistline you’ve shed 5 inches off.
Those are the aspects of consistency you don’t appreciate in the moment, but need to elongate your gratification timeline for.
I am only now incredibly grateful (though bits of gratitude have crept their way into my life in microdoses thanks to a daily journaling practice) for all the work I’ve put in because all the work I’ve put in is MORE THAN EVIDENT when I zoom out and look at the macro timeframe.
The Super Power of Delayed Gratification
The most incredible transformations I’ve been a part of as a personal trainer have taken place over the course of 365 days or longer.
“Thank you, Fran, for adding years to my life!” One of my clients told me after recently celebrating a birthday and over 3 years of training with me.
That, I realized, is why I chose this career.
Done are the days of 75 and 90 day challenges. Sure, set micro goals within those time frames, but don’t expect that you’ll change your entire life in that short of a window.
Delayed Gratification is a super power that only those who have honed the virtue of patience can truly understand the strength of.
Like one who has married and fallen in love with a person, you are not married to them because you are looking for immediate access to their inheritance or trust fund.
You’re married to them because you see in them a quality that will one day allow the two of you, together, to pool your hard-earned money up and (hopefully, in this economy) take out a mortgage on your first home.
Start the family.
Retire on your own terms.
And during that process, you’ll do whatever it takes to make yourself better.
Despite there being hard days where it feels like it’ll be a struggle to make yourself do the dishes.
Fold the laundry.
Change the diaper.
That’s love. It’s not sexy in those moments.
But it can be sexy when you zoom out.
The same is true for your exercise and physical aspirations.
You are not starting in the gym today because that first day is going to be a cake walk. That may be the hardest day.
Day number 365 might be equally as hard, for different reasons.
But, on day 366, when you look back at the rewards you’ve reaped that year (if you’re not obtuse enough to not track some sort of progress metric) because of your commitment to improving yourself, I dare you to find something to sulk about in that moment.
There is a different type of non-flashy sexiness that is likened only to things that get better with time.
Fine wines, cheeses, 15-season athletes who still play the game gracefully (I think of Kobe Bryant or Lebron James), the sports car that is decades old but runs clean as any newer model.
All of these things are a product of tireless attention to consistency, which requires a level of grit that shrinks the ego and delays gratification.
Hone this super power.
Let it teach you the love of longevity.
Whatever the physical pursuit you’ve decided is (I hope you’ve been thinking or dwelling on one for the entirety of this newsletter), let the love of its longevity consume you.
Because everyone could benefit from finding this level of passionate consistency in something physical.
It undoubtedly carries over into your personal and professional pursuits. It can make you understand that quick wins are enjoyable, but long-term love of something is infinitely fruitful.
Have a great Sunday, lovers.