Why Things Start To Hurt After a Certain Age
Spoiler Alert: It doesn't have to be this way.
“Once you hit (random age), it’s all downhill from there.”
If I never heard this phrase again, I’d be so happy.
This utterance comes from people who have an archaic mindset about what it means to age. Sure, every now and again it’s said jokingly.
But some people seriously mean it. Those who let their fitness capabilities go to the wayside because other things got in the way.
And hey, those things that got in the way? They’re not trivial.
After a certain age, most people stop playing the sports they played in grade school. They stop walking to the friend’s house, who is no longer a block away, because they’re not even in the same state anymore.
People don’t enjoy physical activity as much when they age because it’s not a community activity like it once was — phys-ed class, group walks, team camaraderie have mostly disappeared.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
In tonight’s newsletter, I’ll run through some of the key reasons why people start aching (and whining) into mid-life and ways to get around this fraught cycle.
The Age at Which Most People Start Feeling Pain
By the early 30s, despite it being stereotypical, many people (at least in the U.S.) will feel some chronic pain. My colleague Sean Light of Saint Bartholomew might disagree — he and I have seen some as young as 24 come into his clinic with back pain, shoulder pain, and cramps like you wouldn’t imagine.
Why does this happen?
Not only have these people lost the things in life I mentioned above — a movement-filled childhood, community, and sports — but life demands that they be, quite literally, bent out of shape.
Work and Career Focus Takes Over
Even more predacious in the post-COVID era, remote work demands hours upon hours of being seated
Being offered the opportunity to be promoted requires longer hours in front of that screen to hit those quotas
In some cases — looking at you, insecure overachievers — those longer hours stretch well beyond the typical 9-5, and before the day is done, the worker has moved all of 1,000 steps that day
Even among those who try to stay active with busy careers, the only times some can get out for a rec-league basketball game or run club are late at night, which wreaks havoc on sleep cycles and appetites
Romantic Life Pursuits Become High Priority
For most people these days (I think? It’s rough out there…), dating requires food. And drinks…and more drinks? And sweets and desserts. Dating is not always an “active” activity.
Now imagine going on multiple dates involving multiple alcoholic drinks, then finding out the person isn’t right for you. ( Murray Hill Guy, back me up here.) That’s thousands of needless calories wasted on a person, notwithstanding the time and money spent on them.
Let’s say you do find the person of your dreams in this dog-eat-dog dating economy. Your honeymoon phase is still filled with a lot of sedentary dates, unless you hit the jackpot like me and marry a fitness junkie.
Kicking back and relaxing with your significant other, partner, husband, or wife after 30 sounds a lot more appealing than vigorous exercise. On some days, I can absolutely back that statement up. But unless both partners are health-conscious, dating and marriage will inevitably lead to weight gain.
Kids!
Need I say more? This is like the previous bullet point on steroids. Lack of sleep, poor diet choices, and filling the house with food for your kids usually isn’t a recipe for consistent fitness habits.
Even if the parents were SUPER health-conscious pre-pregnancy, it’s hard to re-establish a rhythm in your routine when you’ve established a living human in your household.
Mothers will (rightfully so) default to raising their child as their #1 priority. So much so that sometimes exercise isn’t even a thought (if at all! and I’m allowed to say this — I train quite a few mothers.)
Other Interests Come Into The Forefront
This isn’t the worst of the reasons, which is why I threw it in last. But if fitness wasn’t a high-priority item before 30, then you’re damn sure going to find other interests to take up the idle time you’re not exercising in.
If it’s not reading, writing, learning a new skill, programming, cooking, knitting, or whatever else people do to get into a flow state outside of work, many people will use their free time to watch TV, movies, or (DUN-DUN-DUNNN) doomscroll.
And here — on television, media platforms, hell, even here on Substack — I see the same tropes getting thrown out about age. “After 30, here’s what you should do to ___,” or “Nobody should be _____ at 40 years old.” Age Conformism is still very much alive and in the 1980s, and I’m here to get rid of it.
How To Beat Age Conformism
If you’re truly not one of those people who feels pain or is “feeling your age” right now, whatever that age is, congratulations.
You’re not letting Age Conformism win.
Age Conformism is the agenda that says:
By 30, you should have a stable career and just a couple of close friends
By 35, you should have a weekly parent-vent session with your parent-friends over a few drinks (or ten) every weekend
By 40, everything will be in pain, and you’ll just have to accept it because “that’s life.”
By 45, get ready to start talking about the medications with commercials where paid actors smile while narrators list off 50 fatal side effects with your crew and doctor
And so on, and so forth.
Even joking about it is perpetuating the idea that you can’t do great things with your body after 30. This is so incredibly misguided that I need a pulpit to shout it from like Josh Brolin in Wake Up, Dead Man. (Highly recommend)
Instead of buying into Age Conformism, I’ll give eight ways I think you can easily combat the feeling of aging and not have to worry about aches and pains. I’d welcome your comments below if you have any creative social ways you’ve kept your childhood/youthfulness alive.
Join a club of some sort. A run club, a rec-league sports team, a walking club, or a CrossFit Gym (or maybe just a group fitness class, on second thought) where people regularly gather weekly to move—literally and figuratively— toward a common goal. You’d be surprised how much this could get you moving.
Have access to a small amount of fitness equipment. Seriously, it doesn’t need to be that much. A pair of dumbbells and a treadmill can do a lot for you, but you’ve got to be willing to progress and not do the same 3x10 workout every day. Bonus points for a gym membership, but having just 3-4 pieces of equipment might be all most need to avoid pain.
Chase new experiences, and enjoy the difficulty of them. If you’ve got the kids and wife already, take a trip to a rock-climbing gym. Or try skiing this winter. Or sign the family up for swimming lessons. Do something you haven’t previously been good at. And learn to be okay with not being good at it at first! I struggle with this sometimes.
Cook food as much as possible. I’ve talked enough about ultra-processed food over the three years (happy birthday to HPH!) this newsletter has been up and running, so I shouldn’t have to tell you how that slop can damage you. Try your best to eat whole foods, vegetables, and a balanced diet from your stove top — this can dramatically reduce inflammation. Don’t make me get Olivia back here.
Own a dog. Okay, I’m biased. But having to walk something that’s crying at you 3-4 times a day will make you move. Taking it to the park and practicing that long ball, yeah, you, former baseball outfielder, might even reawaken the athlete in you.
Stack your activity with a recovery habit as a treat. Decided to work out hard? Great! Now chase it up with a 15-minute sauna session. Sign up for that half-marathon? Go you! Maybe consider investing in those compression boots or that massage gun. Have a recovery tool handy for when you are sore.
Make a habit of having one day a week for a long walk. Probably the easiest hack. You could get all 8-10,000 steps in your day from this walk if you have the right route. And the mental clarity that comes from walking is unmatched. Make it in an attractive, quiet, and relaxing place if you can.
Please, for the love of God, get at least seven hours of sleep. I don’t pretend that sleeping consistently is easy. Parents, depending on the age of your kids, you have permission to skip this one. But if you’re up for no good reason, stressing about things that are out of your control, scrolling down feeds that aren’t serving you, or struggling to stay asleep because you ate that ice cream at 10 pm, get a damn nighttime routine. Andrew Huberman has recently dropped some new knowledge on this, but Matthew Walker can also scare you straight, too.
Until next time, y’all! Stay young!
The framing around "Age Conformism" cuts through alot of the noise people accept without question. What's interesting is how early the decline actually starts for most, not because biology demands it but because community-based movement disappears after school. I've noticed that when training became something I did with people rather than for myself, consistency became almost automatic. The suggestion to stack recovery habits with hard workouts is underrated, treating recovery as a reward completely flips the mental game.